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Yet when I tell a Christian that it takes a lot of ego to believe they are so special I get “Nuh uh, you have ego because you think you’re smarter than god!”.
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You know what I haven’t done in a long time? A late night rant about anything. So I feel like talking, it’s late, and this is my blog. I’m going to rant away. You know what I really hate? I hate funerals. I hate the disingenuous bullshit that you have to hear at funerals. I hate how people have to sit there and listen to it even when so many of them are deep down screaming inside about how wrong it is.
A few weeks ago I had to go to a funeral. Thankfully I haven’t been to one in quite a while, they’re never a pleasant experience for anyone. It was my girlfriend’s aunt and I admit I barely knew the woman. Most of what I knew of her came through second hand information in the family “rumors” that got passed around. One thing that is for certain is she had her issues. Her husband had passed away very suddenly a few years ago and as a result she spiraled into horrible depression and alcoholism. Just two days before she was supposed to enter a rehab facility she was found dead in her home. Just two days away, just two days away from getting a chance at turning things around. Rehab was a decision she had agreed to herself. Just two days away though, she is gone.
The whole atmosphere of the funeral just made me feel uneasy. It was a situation where most people were consoling themselves with the fact that she had been through so much in recent years that she was “in a better place”. Many people were chatting openly with people they hadn’t seen in years. There was the occasional mourner crying over the loss of someone they had known so well, mostly remembering her in better times. Some people were laughing, smiling, almost happy well still in the presence of a somber atmosphere…I didn’t know how I was supposed to react. Perhaps thankfully before the actual “service” started my son got fussy and I offered to take him out to the front of the funeral parlor.
Being a modern funeral home they had a live feed of the funeral service playing in the front room. I sat there listening to the service well my son jumped around on the furniture. I listened to a man who had never even met the dead woman he was talking about, attempting to describe her life. He spoke just briefly of her life, her family, a few small events, perhaps filled in with small details he received just minutes before expected to express her entire life in a few minutes. Being a funeral though, of course, it moved on to religious undertones. It moved on to how “the Lord” is watching over her now. How he is keeping her safe, and is looking out for her. Other loads of random bullshit pleasantries meant to make the surviving feel better about the fact that they will never see a loved one, that they hardly recognized now, ever again.
The services ended in a matter of about 20 minutes. After I didn’t feel sad about the words said, about the message delivered, but about the service itself. The fact that this woman was just 2 short days from trying to better herself, but now people are being told of how a loving God is with her and taking care of her. How they sat their quietly through this speech well I know they must of been feeling deep down as if this woman was just shorted out of her chance of turning things around. How they had to be feeling as if these pleasant little messages fell short of the chance of ever seeing the woman they once knew and loved in her familiar state ever again. How can these people talk of the love and care of God now? It’s shameful.
After the services, I was still a bit uneasy about what to say. I have dealt with death many times in my life, to the point where it is hard for me to muster comforting words in the situation. The thing that stuck out most is how me and my girlfriend spoke of the service. “I don’t want anything like that.” We both said it at almost the same time. We were both disgusted by it. We were both saddened by it and it is what stuck out to us most at the moment. These were the last moments people would gather to say good bye to a woman that touched many many lives. Yet we had to hear “pleasant” lies delivered by a man who never knew her, and this is how people are expected to say good bye. It is not a way to say good bye to life, it is a way to stroke people into believing comforting lies, and I hate it.
We both agreed that we don’t want a service anything like the traditional funeral. We want people talking about the good times, people who really knew us. People remembering our lives, and thinking of the great memories. We don’t want people sitting there, too afraid to say what they really think, well some boring drone is paid to say a few random pleasantries. We want nothing to do with any religious idiocy thrown in as a way to capitalize on people at their most vulnerable as well as “comfort” them. Saying good bye to life should be to celebrate life, it shouldn’t be to remind us of “God” and other bullshit that is just meant to fluff up people. I don’t want my death to be anything like that, I can’t really imagine why anyone ever would.
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