Question with 2 notes
dsaintsworks asked: Thanks for not being an arrogant prick btw. I did sense a bit of attitude on the last one but it's a lot better than what I usually get. I did not in any way mean to insult you or any Atheist out there. When I say religion gives me a conscience it's just a personal thing. I didn't mean to generalize. I can't sit here and truly believe that just because I believe in God I automatically have better values and what not. Not only is that being completly idiotic, it's being really unjust too. So, that's not what I meant at all. I mean that if it weren't for religion, personally, I'd be a psycho. It's just more of a me thing again. Not generalizing anyone. Secondly, I never take credit away from those who made my life the way it is. I thank God but I also thank the people. From family to friends to the people I only get to meet once, it happens. ( Pope was pretty wrong to give all credit to Our Lady of Fatima. I mean, I thank God prefusely for my life and everything but if somebody spent 5 hrs bringing me back to life, I'd give them a lot more than just a hand shake or a pat on the back but to each his own... )
Let me just try to explain my rock bottom and my blessings. Maybe it'll come out a bit better. Probably not. I fail with words. Sorry if it bores you but it's just how I can try to make you realize how personally me having no faith wouldn't be very well. My rock bottom wasn't really me getting all fuck my life, I need to die sort of thing. It was basically just a stream of bad shit happening with everyone around me. From friends going to jail, ending up in rehab, to just going back to drugs and alcohol, to my brother in law having a seizure and almost dying ( that kid is basically my father so, yeah that was a pretty damn scary time), to my sister overdosing twice and then getting hit by a car, it was not that great of a 5 years for me. So to go from shit my life is fantastic to all of that is kinda like oh shit... Bad shit does happen, it kinda put me in a hole. ( Mind you that the earliest of this happening I was 12. I'm pretty naive already so you can't even imagine how bad it was back then.) One day my friend ( who's an Atheist but the really prick kind. I love him to death though )comes up and he asks do I still believe ( his way of trying to get me to debate him. ) I told him fuck yeah. I can't just give up. I'm gonna quote him on this one because it's still etched in my mind and it made me giggle so much. "You dumb bitch, even with all of this shit you still think He's there for you?? You're the biggest moron I've met." But me being a "moron" was what got me through it all. Having someone to talk to every night and thank ( other than the people already there for me ) just gave me that much more comfort. Sure, I could've just as well had that comfort without Him, but honestly, I don't know how. I think the main reason I believe is because I'm afraid that if I don't it just won't be the same... That crutch you claim I have, I like it a lot. It allows me to be the person I am.
To sort of wrap it up, I have the highest of respects for Atheists. ( I, again in no way mean to sound condensending or igonorant. Sorry if it comes out like that.) For me, not having a faith sounds crazy ( not calling you crazy, just saying.) But for someone to be able to go through life without believing in God and being able to go through what ever it is life throws at them and still come out strong in the end is baffling to me. That's why I love meeting Atheists ( the ones that don't go blagh fuck your God, you're a babbling idiot yada yada.) I like the ones like you. Who are more about the facts and just living. I wish I was that strong ( and historically educated ) but I just can't. I've been a believer for almost 18 years now. To just end it all wouldn't make much sense to me. Thank you for listening to the psycho babbling.
I’ll refrain from making too much comment, since most of what I had to say was covered in the last post. I figured it was only right though to post this up to share it with others who took interest in it. I’m glad I didn’t upset you with anything I said, but I can tell by the tone of you’re writing you’re worried about upsetting or angering me. Just remember if I ever say anything that comes across as angry, hateful, or mean my emotion is directed at the ideas and principles or religion, and the false information. I never mean to direct it at the person directly. (Except for maybe the case of mr. tooth fairy.) Anyways, thank you for sharing some of your story with me, and I do hope for the best for you.